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最近的日子都过得很好。。只是没有办法填上心里已破碎的洞。。

好奇怪。。在我失去了他的时候，身边就会出现其他的来填补。。

只是我都一一拒绝了，甚至连我自己也没办法再打开那已被锁得紧紧的心房。

不想对自己承认这事实，但却又怕不去面对的话，就一辈子也不能解决这问题。

学着如何去放开。。走着走着时好像挺容易，其实不是，心里的泪不停在流，无处可流，最后都变干了，埋在心底的最深处。

2 years…i’ve know u about 2 years n few months..

but i never know that our relationship can be so deep.

i do not know what u thinking and what u want..

but i jus couldnt stand it due to too much of my love toward u..

sometimes i feel that i can’t breath…

sometimes i lost myself…

sometimes i want to give up myself..

no matter how busy i am..you’re still deep inside my heart..

i’m like a human without soul..don’t know what myself doing all the times…

i know no matter how much i express my feeling here will change nothing..so i decided to stop.

last, i don’t want to lie to myself…

i love you and miss you so much!

although i love you ( heart pain)….but tat doesn’t mean i need to be together with u…good bye my love…

all the best to you~

   thank you for knowing you

   thank you for accepting me

   thank you for open up my eyes

   thank you for letting me know what is love

   thank you for not doing anything to me..

   thank you for your sms (each time i saw yr msg i’ll be so happy but now wont have the chances anymore)

   thank you for treat me like a small little gal

   thank you for everything~~~ 

="(

Honestly, love had change me a lot~

the unpredictable future…

who hate children??

yea,they are egocentric!(only look from their own point of view)

because of the egocentric, they cry for what they want,cant stop talking because they found the language are so special,run around to release the powerful energy within them and maybe keep asking questions that you don’t like to answer..but they would like to know because they are exploring to the world..

some told me that because they couldn’t understand what the adult is talking…(are we understand what others talking about all the time?)

some told me that because they din have the communication skills..(how we develop our C. skill when there’s no one can talk to or willing to teach)

some told me that they’re very naughty<–how to define the notti?

Let’s think back to your childhood…how you growth? Is it full of good memories or you hate your childhood?? why?

do you know that as an elder to the child, your one simple words(yes,u can/no,u can’t) or one little action(smile at them/stare at them) can bring them to the different future..

whoof~~

time past so fast… erything going on too fast..

never think of i able to let him go in such a way~

deep in my heart….he’s always there…i dunno how to describe the feeling towards him that had buried in my heart for such a long period,but my heart always thanks him for everything.

will he be the person that i miss forever?? i asked myself ..although i know that there’s no answer until the time has come to me.

well~~

i found my present life not bad! =)

at least i’m myself…i’m doing everything because of myself..i’m no longer belong to anyone…that’s me!! (",)

*won’t worry that i’ve got no time for him…not anymore!

*no more guilty for knowing a new friendz..hehe..

*tears no more at silent night..

*planning all for myself, not for U(xx)!!~

BY THE WAY,

i want to thank all ppl around me who help me overcome this period..

those ppl that will appear suddenly when i got in trouble..(cos the only person i’ll think of is him but u all appear to help me..to console me while he not there for me)

those friends that care and worry me…especially my 2 jie jie which always invite me for meal so that i’m not alone for my every single meal…

those friends that entertain me by msgs or thru phone when i tok to them about him in a down down mood…

those friends that always scold me to wake me up…i appreciate it but sometimes really….erm…the way they talk were too over..

my close friends ever~

my coursemate~

my net friends~

of course~the most important person in my life–my parents etc..

thank you all of you!

everyday i’ll rush back by 6pm from college

just to watch the movie

i cant remember how many episod i’ve watched

but i know that i cry for it everyday

not because of the touching story;

just that i’ll think of ‘you’ everytime i watch.

n my tears…. roll down from my chin naturally…

eh-hem….going to far…back to the point first~~

this i learn from the movie and i think its really a deal..

Are you searching for happiness??

First, relationship between family members

          - good relationship with family members can really bring

            happiness, u should believe it!!

Second, your friendship

             -good friend can bring you happiness by treating you

              sincerely even sometimes they really hurt you by telling you

              the truth but a bad friend will bring you to.. (where??u

              should know la~ its not good to say bring you to the death..)

Third, satisfaction!

           -satisfy with what you have but not claiming what you don’t

            have.

Fourth, do more charity…^^

             -don’t ask how can be happy by doing charity. Explore

              yourself and you’ll know. this is really a great thing!!

if you want to ask how about love??

so sorry to say that love is not inside the first tenth…

These girls marry early to get the food….

some of them are only 14 years old….

http://www.worldvision.org/about_us.nsf/child/eNews_kenya_051606?Open&campaign=1265397&cmp=EMC-1265397

[Sigh]….

One friend that i appreciated….

although realy long time v din talk to each other and contact each other but actually she’s inside my heart always….

do i need to say out ??

just hope that v can keep in touch…

so i send her a testi and play jokes with her…

just like the past time v use to do in secondary skul…

but now….

say that i din hav heart and why should her??

if…. …. ….

i really no heart,

i hav not even send you a testi!

i realise…this is called life~~

although it’s pain for me but i’ll try and learn to let it go…

22th May 2006–[11:40AM]->receive her testi

16th MAy 2006 - You send me a msg at night and said that our relationship

                          can be mended.[10:26Pm]

                          Frankly i’m very happy. ^^ I jumped on my bed and can’t

                          stop ’syok sendiri’.

17th May 2006 - I’m full of energy today because received your msg this 

                         morning.

                         You ask me to overcome the problem and praise that i’m

                         a big gal now. How sweet it is…. Yes!  no one can plan our

                         future… But i really need time to think…think what is

                         going on between us.. Don’t you realise what is the main

                         problem?? I dare not to talk to you about it… because i

                         know that no matter what you tell me, i’ll believe and i

                         also will keep the question mark deep in my heart forever.

                         I know there is no answer forever…

18th MAy 2006 - This morning you send me a msg- define of ‘love’. I too send

                         what i’m define ‘love’ as. After that, no more msg from you.

                         Wait for the whole night long, but still no message from you

19th May 2006 - This morning no message from you… Having a lonely

                         breakfast…i’m missing you again….[Why?? Why i still can't

                         put you out of my mind? If there's a chance, i'll be with

                         you till the end...]

Artist: Monica Lyrics

Song: For You I Will Lyrics

Yes, when you’re feeling lost in the night
When you feel your world just ain’t right
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough
Anytime your best ain’t enough
I’ll be the one to make it better
I’ll be there to protect you, see you through
I’ll be there, and there is nothing, I won’t do

[1]  I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero, your strength, anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time, promise you
For you I will, yes yeah, yeah

I will shield your heart from the rain
I won’t let no harm come your way
Oh, these arms will be your shelter
No, these arms won’t let you down
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you

I’m here for you, I’m here forever
I will be your fortress tall and strong
I’ll keep you safe, I’ll stand beside you right or wrong
(rpt 1)

Lay my life on the line, for you I will fight, oh
For you I will die, with every breath, with all my soul
I’ll give my word, I’ll give it all
Put your faith in me, put your faith in me
And I’ll do anything…oh…
(rpt 1)

I will… oh…